Remember the Hibernia Bank? (and other musings)

I was in San Francisco recently, and decided to walk the four miles from my hotel to Gracias Madre, a vegan Mexican offshoot of Café Gratitude, the transcendent northern California raw food restaurant chain.  (translated into a very loose quotidian Spanish, Gracias Madre means “Thanks, Mom!”)

If you want to see one of the most uplifting (and gastronomically creative) menus in restaurant history, check out Café Gratitude’s offerings at 
http://www.cafegratitude.com/images/Cafe_Gratitude/Posters_Fliers/menuhh4.10.11.pdf . 

And yes, I friended them on Facebook.

Anyway, I passed by the Hibernia Bank on my way to the Mission District.  Patty Hearst and the Symbionese Liberation Army made history here with a spectacular bank robbery on April 15^th, 1974.  I guess they chose Hibernia because it was on Market Street and probably provided an easy getaway path.  P.S. – Can you spot the two birds in flight?

While still in the high rent section of Market, (there are low rent sections, trust me) I stopped by a flower stand and took the obligatory sixty shots.  Here are two.

This is one bright spot in the Mission District.

This man was quite insistent that I take his portrait.

After an hour and a half of walking and stopping to take pictures, Gracias Madre appears, a shimmering oasis of vegan holiness in an otherwise bleak landscape.  (Hint: it is one door down from the 99 cent store, with the pumpkin-colored sign.  There is a lady wearing a pink blouse sitting on one of the two benches just outside the entrance) 

The restaurant is brand-new, and the food was outstanding, even world-class.  (It is vegan, but not raw)  I asked the waiter about the odd location for a somewhat upscale restaurant.  After all , the Mission District has a large population of people jettisoned for one reason or the other (mostly the other) from the American Dream.  He said some of San Francisco’s up and coming chefs are locating there because of the reduced rents.  He added that just across the street was an incredible restaurant that is mobbed every night, and not by the jettisoned set if you must know.

This is the wall mural in the covered patio dining area of Gracias Madre.  Notice how the blessed Mother of Vegan Cuisine arises seamlessly out of the sinless organic soil.  It is well known that people who eat a vegan diet have a certain aura about them; this has been proven scientifically.  However, having consumed a certain herb in my youth, (albeit 100% Tommy Chong certified organic) I cannot recall which studies, precisely, prove the vegan aura hypothesis.



Photoshop is my addiction, alas.  My stained, shaking hands can’t let go of the pixel-altering electronic crack pipe from Adobe.

Wow - I guess this area of The Mission also has its share of photographers! 

Believe it or not, this billboard for Adobe is only a block away from Gracias Madre, but on the other side of the street.  The ‘Citizen Soldier’ billboard is to be expected.  After all, war has been an incredible engine for job growth, helping to replace much of our manufacturing base now comfortably and profitably located overseas.  (these billboards are mostly absent in affluent neighborhoods, where a good education reduces the odds of relying on the military as an employer of last resort) 

I would expect an ad for cigarettes or beer on top, but I am really glad Adobe thinks it has an audience here among the pawn shops and heavy equipment rental depots.

Quick Survey: Does the Adobe ad, by being on top, prove once and for all that art trumps war?

À la prochaine!  (‘m learning French with a great podcast called Coffee Break French)



Imaginary States

"Comparisons are odious" - Basho Matsuo

Zen Buddhism seems very mysterious to most people, what with all the shaved heads, black robes, endless sitting around, Japanese words for everything, and of course the famous one hand clapping. At the heart of the Zen practice, both seated on the cushion and while fully engaged in life (yes, even waiting in line somewhere) is the direct experience of reality. Reality as it is, without any filters or stories, which usually come in the form of thoughts.

Let's look at a little reality and see how Zen works, shall we?

Let's say you just bought a new car, and you're backing out of a parking space at the Piggly Wiggly. Your two year old is in the back seat. An inattentive driver talking on the phone runs into your car doing two or three miles per hour, causing some damage to your trunk and rear bumper. How do you think almost everybody is going to react? Are you (insert south Jersey epithet here) kidding me? They're going to be irritated, angry or worse. What other way is there to experience that reality?

Have you ever stopped to think exactly why people react this way? I mean REALLY stopped to think about it?

I’m not a psychologist and I don’t even play one on TV, but I have an opinion. I believe the reason is that humans immediately start comparing reality as it is (the fender bender state) with a totally imaginary state in which the fender bender has not happened. When comparing the present reality (the fender bender) to a totally imaginary state in which the car is still intact, most people prefer the totally imaginary state in which nobody has hit their car.

Who wouldn’t?

This comparison, this story about how things should be causes people to become "pissed off", resentful, anxious or irritated. (I'm sure I've left out a few)

For the past twenty five hundred years, Buddhists have used the term "suffering" to describe this dreary and never-ending comparison of reality to something, well, other than reality. “Suffering” manifests itself most commonly as a continuous, grating sense of discomfort and unease, even when things are going well.

To recap, what is standing between you and reality as it is, is generally a story - a comparison of the present reality with another totally imaginary state. In other words, a Barbie and Ken fantasy world. That story usually sounds like this: "I would like it better if this fender bender hadn't happened. As a matter of fact, I would be much, much happier." Anytime you find yourself wishing you were in your Barbie and Ken world, you are invariably restless and unhappy.

You are suffering, as Buddhists never tire of pointing out.

Let's turn the tables for a moment here and ask why we don't ever compare the present reality to another totally imaginary state most would consider a lot less desirable. (sort of a Barbie and Ken Warsaw ghetto) The other totally imaginary story goes something like this: The distracted driver is going much faster this time and broadsides your car on the passenger side, killing your two year old child instantly.

Which do you prefer now?

The reality of the minor fender bender or the darker, but still totally imaginary story where your child is dead? Most people would be shouting, even crying for joy that it was only a fender bender. They would be ecstatic. A better outcome is hardly possible!

So dude, how is it that you were pissed off just a few seconds ago?

Here's a clue to seeing reality as it is: don't compare it to anything. Buddhists call this nirvana, or enlightenment.

Sounds hard, uh? Let's assume you had a little help from a neurologist. She could flip a switch in your brain so that you were incapable of imagining any other reality than the "fender bender has occurred" state. No "worse" or "better" states. What would the fender bender reality be like then? It would be totally devoid of drama or regret, for one thing. You would quickly and efficiently assure nobody was hurt, including your child, the other driver and maybe his passengers. You would exchange insurance information. You would determine if your car is still drivable, and proceed home or to a good body shop for an estimate. If not, you would simply call a tow truck. You might even take the time to notice the exquisite, Picasso-like shape your crumpled bumper has taken on. There would be mental space available to appreciate the fact that this is the first cool and beautifully crisp day of fall after a hot summer.

So stop comparing, already!

I heard a Zen master named John Tarrant speak recently in Phoenix. He used the metaphor of using your own crude, hand-drawn (and wildly inaccurate) maps to navigate life rather than the exquisitely accurate maps created by reality. No wonder most people are lost in this world.

We're just using the wrong maps.

Shoulding Reality

Think back to some of the happier, more peaceful moments in your life (for instance, you just got your dream job) and think about this - there was probably very little distance between how things actually were (reality) and how you thought things should have been.

So, you've just been offered a great job with a honking signing bonus, (reality!) and you thought that you should have gotten the job for myriad reasons. Reality aligned perfectly with how you thought things should be, i.e. I should have gotten that job, and by God, I did!

Bada bing, peace and happiness. Jumping and kicking of the heels, Gene Kelly style.

It might help to visualize two identical circles. One circle is reality (how things actually are) and the other circle is how we think things should be. If the should circle is perfectly aligned with the reality circle, there is generally peace in the mental realm. Happy thoughts, champagne popping; steak and lobster all around. My kids should get good grades, and lookie here Merle, they are getting good grades!

That's how we like our reality - perfectly aligned with how we think it should be! Can I get an Amen?

Now let's say a little distance starts creeping between reality and how you think reality should be. Let's say the reality is that a rude, aggressive driver has just cut you off in traffic, and as a finishing touch he flips you off for not having gotten out of his way sooner. Actually, he keeps flipping you off like crazy as he speeds away, just to drive the point home!!!

How much distance is there now between reality (a rude driver) and how you think things should be? Does light years come close? You obviously think that this driver (or all drivers for that matter) should drive safely and be courteous to other drivers sharing the roadway.

Most of what makes us miserable arises in the gap between reality and our idea of how reality should be. You know, anger, frustration, despair, bitterness, revenge, making others wrong, fear - you frickin' name it - they all stand there a-hootin'-and-a-hollerin' in the vast gulf between reality and how we think reality should be.

If reality doesn't agree with me, boy, reality had better watch out because... drumroll, please.... I'm going to get really mad!!!

Are you starting to see how ridiculous this is? It's just as ridiculous as getting mad at a five year-old for not being able to solve quadratic equations. (she should be able to solve quadratic equations!) The reality is she can't and your (misguided) expectation that she should be able to solve quadratic equations just causes you aggravation.

Better to agree with reality: The five year-old cannot solve quadratic equations.

I know it's a ridiculous example, but just about as ridiculous as thinking that our freeway companion should drive safely and be courteous to others. He is no more able to drive safely (until he makes some changes within) than the 5 year-old is able to solve quadratic equations. (until she makes some changes, like developing her mental skills) It's simply beyond them at the present time. Both could take years to develop into the people with the skills you envision, if they ever learn the skills you think they should have right now.

Now, let's think about our circles a little differently than we're used to. Try this on for size in the privacy of your mental dressing room:

The driver who just cut me off should be driving dangerously and putting people's lives in danger. Why? Simply because he is driving dangerously and putting people's lives in danger. That's the actual reality! No amount of fuming on your part is ever going to change reality (he cut me off) or make that person a better driver.

If you take the position that the driver should have cut you off and that he should be driving dangerously, (you guessed it!) there is no distance between reality and how you think things should be. Guess what - reality is now exactly how you think it should be; the two circles are perfectly aligned. And here's the best part - there is no room, not even one angstrom, for malicious or counterproductive thoughts to take hold!

Now, that's not to say you cannot take Action. Action with a big, bold, purposeful and peaceful capital A.

If you see a driver coming up the freeway at high rates of speed, swerving and changing lanes dangerously, you can gently move over a few lanes and give him a wide berth. And, slow down a bit so that if he causes an accident up ahead you have plenty of room to stop before getting involved further in his drama. You might pull over, call 9-11 and alert the authorities a blue Gran Torino trailing blue smoke is creating a hazard to drivers on the 101. That's about it.

Action is always more effective coming from a still mind.

Since you now agree without hesitation that this guy should be driving dangerously and (yes, go for it!) should be putting other people's lives at risk, there is no room for anger, frustration, road rage, etc. Reality is now perfectly aligned with your idea of how reality should be. Isn't that awesome? How often does that happen?

As a matter of fact, you are now even in a position to send a blessing to the driver. People who drive chaotically often lead chaotic lives. As you can probably guess, chaotic lives can be excruciatingly painful, with tragedies following huge failures almost without end. Chaotic lives often don't end very well, either. His head-on collision with a light post might be just around the corner.

The last thing that driver needs is your anger.

For practice, try these on for size. They are listed in ascending order of "Oy! That's some reality!"

The line at the bank should be slow.
A barrel of oil should trade for $110.00.
My computer should have been stolen.
Governor Eliot Spitzer should solicit prostitutes.

Why? Because that's the perfectly lit reality, or what is.

All these events call for some sort of action, not mental anguish or bombast. Come back to the bank at a less busy time. Find ways to reduce oil consumption, if price is an issue for you. Contact your insurance company to get the computer replaced. Call for Spitzer's resignation in writing. Since you agree that these scenarios are all exactly as they should be, there is no room for fuming, stomping around the bank lobby shouting imprecations, etc.

Reality is neutral, even kind; our thoughts about it generally aren't. The sooner we learn to agree with and love reality, the easier it will be on us, and the planet.

Steve : - )

P.S. - Many thanks to the authors Byron Katie and Brad Warner, and to the guy who cut me off in traffic a while back (and flipped me the bird!) for creating the perfect source of inspiration for this piece. Also a big shout-out to my light-hearted (and very good) friend Howard Richmond, M.D. for the wonderfully descriptive term "mental dressing room" God always gives us what we need!

P.P.S - I call the condition where I have any idea of how reality should be my little "D-List Reality". As opposed to actual reality, which I call "A-List Reality" or "Atomic-Strength Reality".

A new religion!

Gentle Correspondents,

I was in Santa Fe recently and like every tragically hip, hungry tourist I went straight to the Ore House restaurant right on Santa Fe Plaza in the heart of downtown.

You heard me — right on the plaza; not some second-tier side street. No, not for this image-conscious tourist!

I even got a seat on the balcony. After all, I prayed very hard for that coveted lunch-time balcony spot while going up the stairs. And I'm here to tell you, prayer works!

After lunch, I walked outside with my camera and perambulated over to the Cathedral Basilica of Saint Francis of Assisi for a little spiritual renewal and some snapshots.

As I was leaving, I saw a motto or a creed above the entrance to the sanctuary. (I don't know, does the Catholic Church have mottos?)

Motto or creed, I really liked it.

It said "LOVE ONE ANOTHER CONSTANTLY" (see photo above, and P.S. below)

And then it struck me. What a great idea for a new religion!

It would be simplicity itself — the first one-line faith ever!

Henny Youngman came up with lots of one-liners, but never a one-line religion, I'm tellin' ya!

Just imagine... every follower of this new faith would be an instant expert on the founding principles, (Love one another constantly) all the theological intricacies, (Love one another constantly) and, unlike followers of every other religion out there, would have all the scriptures memorized the very moment he converted! (Love one another constantly)

I think we'll get at least a few people who have been trying to memorize the Bible all their lives but keep tripping up on the Old Testament begats. Who needs the aggravation?!?! It's well known that all the fancy mnemonics out there wither after the first ten begats.

Practicing this new religion will be a snap in this instant-gratification, gotta-have-it-now society we live in.

Somebody disses your wife? No problem!

Just dig deep into your scriptures, and you'll have your answer. There it is, right on page one: "Love one another constantly".

Amazing!

You're bored? Why not spend the time, you guessed it, "Loving one another constantly"?

Hate your boss? Don't like the President? You got it, Mr./Ms. New Convert — "Love one another constantly"! Not really all that bright? Relax, dude, this is really simple! All the answers to life's tough questions, right there on the tip of your tongue!

Can you imagine memorizing an entire hymnal the moment you opened it? You'd have pretty much the shortest hymn in all of organized religion, depending on how long you wanted to stretch out the words. "Looooooooooooooovvvvvvve... ooooonnnnne... anooooooooootherrrrrr... connnnnnnstantlyyyyyyy. (with gusto!)

And, oh, the sermons — one line, short and sweet!

Bring the kids - even they won't get bored!!! A lot of people go to church for the coffee and socializing. Why not get right to the refreshments?

As a matter of fact, it could even be the first drive-through religion. You would drive through, the priest would say "Love one another constantly", hand you the collection plate, and off you would go, spiritually refreshed and ready to go. Think of how many people you could minister to, and collect from, at just one location. It boggles the mind!

But wait, there's more!

I haven't even gotten to branding, co-branding and merchandising. There are shops in major airports selling merchandise with the "Life is Good " logo. I swear, every item in the store says one thing: "Life is Good".

Can you imagine the world-wide potential of "Love One Another Constantly" on t-shirts, coffee mugs, and even cologne? I would have to check with the St. Francis Catholic Church in Santa Fe — and their lawyers — about the cologne (and other, racier items, of course) before setting up the factory.

Anyway, as time goes on, like some religions, power structures and lots of crust may build up and obscure the founding principle. (Love one another constantly)

So, I'm going to get a jump on the inevitable and propose the first ecclesiastical accoutrement: "The Book of Uncommonly Short Prayer", with favorites like "Lord, please help me love my difficult in-laws, at least somewhat constantly!" (that's going to sound great with 500 people reading it in unison)

I'm hoping power struggles will be limited to parking space allocation for staff, but even those can be easily resolved with, well, I won't be repetitious.

(OK, I'll be repetitious. "Love one another constantly"!)

I'm open to suggestions for liturgy, (keep it short!) vestments (please, no velvet!) and incense vs. aromatherapy in the sanctuary and/or drive-through chapels, etc.

Now, let's talk about a name for this new religion.

It's so easy to say "I'm a Christian", or "I'm a Jew", when asked about your faith, but what do you say if somebody asks you about your new religious affiliation?

The Mormons have that great acronym, LDS. They actually say "Are you LDS? and "She's LDS, I'm pretty sure!"

This new religion would have to sound snappy and simple, just like the single line it is based on.

What about "LO-AC", or "L-AC"? (silent "O" here, granted, but seductively similar to "LAX", the coolest airport name, ever!)

"I'm LO-AC, thanks for asking" might get you puzzled looks and weird questions about your air-conditioner, but it just might work. The hyphenated letters "AC-DC" worked pretty well for one rock band, so I'm guessing switching a few letters around might work in this case, also. (we use the very same hyphen, after all!)

"I'm L-AC" will probably entail too much explaining what happened to the "O", and thus probably too fatiguing. I know that "LO" has a lot of cachet, as evidenced by the J-LO frenzy. (Jennifer LOpez)

So, "LO-AC" it is! The baseball caps are practically manufacturing themselves, now that we've decided on that fantastic acronym!

Well, that's it for now. I'm sort of astounded that I came up with an idea for a new religion after just one afternoon in Santa Fe. Most religions take decades, even centuries to crystallize.

This one, boom! Ready to go tomorrow!!!

Steve : - )

P.S. - "Love One Another Constantly" is similar to Paul's "Pray without ceasing". Both are awesome suggestions for profitably using the present moment. Besides starting a religion, that is. We all know how Paul's attempts at starting a new religion went. (A++ with a gold star!!!)

Sweet and peaceable...

Gentle Correspondents,

Wait!!!

I forgot to include a highly relevant quote from Isaiah 26:3 last week, so here it is:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee."

This is one of the chief benefits of sitting still and gently staying your mind (focusing your attention) on the infinite Presence that pervades everything—yes, perfect peace.

Straight from Isaiah. Take that, all you minor Old Testament prophets!

Last week I talked about one way to access the Divine Presence, which is to sit perfectly still and remain silent for a period of time. I also said there are myriad ways to access this Presence.

I can't pronounce one method as being the best, (I'm not the Pope, after all!) but I can share what has worked very well for me. With that understanding, (that if you don't do what I say you will grow warts) I'll delve a little further into the practice of meditation, or as it is known in Catholicism, contemplative prayer.

I'm going to purposefully skip the basics—finding a place to meditate, posture, using a centering phrase and following the breath, etc.—until next week. A 'prequel', if I may indulge in a little Hollywood "ism". (even though, technically, 'prequel' it is not an "ism". 'Prequelism' would be an "ism"!)

Silent prayer is the "sweet and peaceable attention to God's presence", as St. Francis de Sales (1567-1622) said in his "Treatise on the Love of God", (Chapter X, p.259) He further describes it as "sacred repose". We'll talk about how to establish this "sweet and peaceable attention" and "sacred repose" in the upcoming 'prequel'. (Can you even wait?)

For now, let's discuss what's going to happen about ten seconds after you've carefully established that "sweet and peaceable attention to God's presence". This is important, because what happens next is what occupies almost all of a meditation session until the mind finally settles down a little. This "settling down" can take years—just givin' it to you straight.

Your mind is going to say:

"BOOOORING!!! Gimme something more exciting, and pronto! What, more sitting, and no iPod?!?! Fuggedaboutit, I'm outta here!!!"

And it's off to the races!

For the next however long you sit, your mind is going to be inundated with a constant stream of random thoughts, about one every five to ten seconds. That's right—see for yourself!

Here's a fairly straightforward method for gently dealing with thoughts as they arise. Take very careful mental notes about each thought, release it, and gently return to observing your breath or your silent centering phrase. More on the breath in the 'prequel' next week.

How to take careful mental notes? Try assuming the role of the scientist in a white lab coat, clipboard in hand, carefully observing an experiment in progress.

Ok, so here it is—your first thought! It'll probably be as random and mundane as "Has it REALLY been 32 years since Ron Wood joined the Rolling Stones???"

Whatever the thought, become aware of what it is, and note if there are any emotions associated with it. If there are, try to pinpoint—precisely—what that emotion feels like.

For instance, an angry thought might be accompanied by a pounding heart, tightness in the throat, face flushing, etc. Once you have noted everything about the thought, gently release it (think clouds passing by in the sky) and return to the silence. The sacred repose.

Some common thoughts that arise are boredom, (yes, boredom is just another thought!!!) anxiety, regret, worry, future planning, self-deprecation, revenge, etc. Many wonderful thoughts will also arise like that recent ski vacation, a loved one, among others.

You name it, thoughts of every stripe will arise. From your calm third-party perspective, (remember the scientist?) accurately note them on your mental clipboard, which is filling up fast!

After noting the thoughts as they arise, it is crucial to release them, returning gently and with great love to the silence. This is where the Presence abides; it does not abide in the cacophony of your thoughts.

Sorry.

Here's another awesome quote by St. Francis de Sales. He describes, breathtakingly, the process of returning to the silence once the mind has wandered off, chasing down all manner of thoughts. I would substitute "mind" for "heart", but then again I wasn't around in the Middle Ages to redact his writing.

The "point" he is talking about is the breath, or just pure mental silence.

"If the heart wanders or is distracted, bring it back to the point quite gently and replace it tenderly in its Master’s presence. And even if you did nothing during the whole of your hour but bring your heart back and place it again in Our Lord’s presence, though it went away every time you brought it back, your hour would be very well employed."

Very well employed, indeed. Mr. de Sales, you rock!

Notice how he says "though it went away every time you brought it back". He figured out way back then that his mind "went away" quite often during his periods of silent prayer. What is his solution? To bring the mind gently and tenderly back into the Divine Presence.

Gently and tenderly... This is key!!! If you find yourself yanking your mind (or heart) back to the silence, with a hint of (or lots of!) irritation, notice that, also. This process is about being gentle and loving with yourself, not perpetuating useless mental habits, like getting irritated at the drop of a coconut.

God speaks with a "still, small voice" according to Elijah, in 1 Kings 19:12. Any mental irritation or harshness (I'll tame these damn thoughts if it's the last thing I do!) as you bring yourself back "into the Master's presence" is akin to screaming "blah blah blah" the moment oh, let's say, Warren Buffett is about to, one-on-one, share his all-time favorite investing strategy with you.

You want to be so quiet you could hear a butterfly flapping its wings in the Amazon, as this advice could change everything! Actually, every thought you have during meditation is a little like saying "blah blah blah" while God is quietly, gently, trying to get a word in edgewise. Thus, the gentle practice of returning to a place of total inner silence.

That's it for now; Matlock just started on Channel 3!

I'll close with this exquisite quote from the novelist Robert Louis Stevenson:

"Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened, but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm."

Just one more benefit to sitting down and shutting up.

Love,

Steve : - )

P.S. — Since I lifted the delightful turn of phrase "at the drop of a coconut" from another writer, I must pay my Karmic debt and give credit to Gary Gach, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Buddhism". Thanks, Gary! Keep the lawyers at a distance!

P.P.S. - I once again thank Zen Master and author Brad Warner (and former punk-rocker!) for the equally delicious aphorism "Sit down and shut up". Pretty much sums up the process!

Sitting and waiting...

Gentle Correspondents,

For the past three years or so I have embarked on the most remarkable journey of my 50 years on earth. This journey has revealed (to me, at least) the incredible power of sitting still in total silence for thirty minutes to an hour every day.

I may devote the next few weeks to fleshing out the details of this practice with step-by-step how-to stuff, quotes by people far more articulate on this subject than I, and examples (tiny and not-so-tiny) of how this practice has revolutionized my life.

For the better, bien-sur.

Let me start by quoting one of those aforementioned way-too-articulate people, the prophet Isaiah. He had a pretty good idea of how things worked, even in pre-iPod times. From Isaiah 40:31, King James Version:

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Fortunately, I don't faint while walking. If I did, I probably wouldn't be taking the helm of a jetliner today bound for St. Louis today at 6:14 PM . Might I also add that after six miles of running, (Isaiah 40:31 or not) I feel quite weary. All due respect to the prophet.

What I do want to point out is that this concept of "waiting upon the Lord" changes everything.

And I do mean everything.

Everybody has their own way of receiving God's guidance, and I would like to share one particular method of "waiting upon the Lord".

Just like there are a million ways to stay physically fit and keep your body healthy, (marathons vs. thigh-master, for instance) there are also a zillion modalities (reading scripture vs. chanting, or even gardening) in the quest to access the Divine, or whatever name you have for the ineffable Presence that fuels every atom out there. Yes, every atom!

My favorite method is to sit down and shut up long enough so that God can get a word in edgewise. This is how I "wait upon the Lord".

I do this by sitting down every day for an hour or so (sometimes broken up into two thirty minute sessions) and becoming perfectly still and outwardly silent. (in other words, I stop shouting at politicians on TV)

The real meat of this practice is how to deal with the non-stop parade of thoughts that arise as you sit there trying to shut up mentally and "wait upon the Lord". More on that, and some of the industrial-strength benefits that can inure as a result of this practice next time.

Until then, cling to Isaiah 40:31, and try not to faint while walking. Your body, the people who love you and the local paramedics will thank you.

Steve : - )

P.S. - Many thanks to Brad Warner, author of "Sit Down and Shut Up" for that wonderful turn of phrase.

Auditioning for the part...

Gentle Correspondents,

One of the more salutary acronyms floating around today is WWJD? It stands for what would Jesus do in this gnarly situation I am facing right now?

You know, like maybe wanting to strangle this politician's neck for a few satisfying seconds?

"WWJD" is designed as a mental trigger to activate in us the loving attributes taught by the big guy himself. You know, things like compassion, patience, endless forgiveness, (well, at least seven times seventy times, before landing that delicious right hook!) loving your enemies, helping the poor—alas, all the good stuff.

I have found a way to put this into practice and have fun doing it at the same time. (I know, forgiving a politician you don't like is practically a superhuman undertaking, but let's leave the leviathan tasks aside until we've mastered the small ones, shall we?)

Let's look at the stuff that irritates us or otherwise "gets our goat", to use a little farm slang. When a situation arises that irritates or otherwise challenges me, I treat it like I am being called in for an audition.

And not just any audition!

This audition has more than a few industry heavyweights sitting in the mostly dark Broadway theatre, clipboards and pens in hand, very alert (like you wouldn't believe) and relaxed. I can hardly believe it, but seated loosely around the middle of row 12 are the superstars: Jesus, the Buddha, Pope John Paul II, the Dalai Lama, St. Francis of Assisi, Mother Theresa, Rumi, and for good measure Father Guido Sarducci to keep the proceedings on a light-hearted note.

Today, I have been called in to audition for the part of the person who is patient, kind and loving when dealing with customer service reps on the phone. Especially when I have a complaint.

Jesus calls my name and I walk out on stage.

Jesus says, "Steve, we're looking for somebody to play the role of a person who shows a tremendous amount of love, patience and compassion when on the phone trying to resolve a problem, and the customer service rep is not being particularly helpful. We'll provide you with a scenario and an actor to play the part of the phone rep. That would be Jason over there. He motions Jason to come on stage. Allright, let's get started. Remember - I want to feel the love!

And Father Guido, enough with the heckling already!"

I initially read from the quite predictable script, but Jason turns out to be the most surly, truculent customer service rep I have ever encountered. He even hangs up on me twice!!! Well, true to form, I blow up and start screaming uncontrollably into the phone, (yes, veins popping!) even though Jason is only a few feet away from me.

I lose it.

Will I get a call-back? Will I get the part??? Or, will I have to take this experience, learn from it, and audition again at a later date? I think you know how this audition went. It was a great learning experience, and no, I don't need to call them. They will call me.

You know where I'm going with this...

Every time a situation "shows up" in my life that I label "challenging", "unpleasant", "maddening" or "irritating", my take is that it is definitely not by accident.

I am being auditioned for the part of spiritual master by the very presence and power that undergirds the universe, and it is a priceless opportunity to finally apply all the knowledge I've gained reading (countless) spiritual books, reams of scripture, going to church all these years, watching children laugh and play, etc.

However, at some point beautiful ideas like "love thine enemy" have to come face-to-face with, well, the enemy. ("W" or Hillary, take your pick!)

And love him/her I must. Ouch - that smarts!

In other words, the spiritual rubber has to meet the road at some point, or all these cherished teachings are moonshine.

More and more, I view these "auditions" (difficult people, personal setbacks, etc.) with the same joy and alacrity as an actor who has been called in for a personal audition with, oh, let's say, Steven Spielberg. This lucky actor is finally getting the chance to "show his stuff" to—in the world of Hollywood—the big guy himself. Do you think for one moment the actor feels anger at being called in for this audition before Spielberg himself? Resentment? Not in a million years!!! The actor is standing beside himself with excitement!

No matter how difficult the audition, the rewards of a good performance before Spielberg are beyond imagining.

So, the next time you are confronted with, for instance, a real jerk, how about viewing it as an audition generously provided by the very force that animates every atom? How about jumping for joy, rather than the other, hackneyed reaction? Your eyes should light up because finally—here it is!!! This is the audition where you can really "strut your spiritual stuff" and respond with infinite love, patience, or whatever positive attribute is called for at that moment!

If you "get the part" the rewards, like a leading role in a Spielberg flick, will be beyond your wildest imaginings. If you don't get the part, well, you will soon be called in for another audition, (and another, and another, echo, echo) until you finally do get the part.

God is very generous in this respect...

Be on the lookout for your next audition. Mine often appear instantly out of nowhere, and at the most unexpected times.

Vigilare. (every second!)

Steve : - )

vig·i·lant: Pronunciation: 'vi-j&-l&ntFunction: adjectiveEtymology: Middle English (Scots), from Latin vigilant-, vigilans, from present participle of vigilare to keep watch, stay awake, from vigil awake: alertly watchful especially to avoid dangersynonym see WATCHFUL