A new religion!

Gentle Correspondents,

I was in Santa Fe recently and like every tragically hip, hungry tourist I went straight to the Ore House restaurant right on Santa Fe Plaza in the heart of downtown.

You heard me — right on the plaza; not some second-tier side street. No, not for this image-conscious tourist!

I even got a seat on the balcony. After all, I prayed very hard for that coveted lunch-time balcony spot while going up the stairs. And I'm here to tell you, prayer works!

After lunch, I walked outside with my camera and perambulated over to the Cathedral Basilica of Saint Francis of Assisi for a little spiritual renewal and some snapshots.

As I was leaving, I saw a motto or a creed above the entrance to the sanctuary. (I don't know, does the Catholic Church have mottos?)

Motto or creed, I really liked it.

It said "LOVE ONE ANOTHER CONSTANTLY" (see photo above, and P.S. below)

And then it struck me. What a great idea for a new religion!

It would be simplicity itself — the first one-line faith ever!

Henny Youngman came up with lots of one-liners, but never a one-line religion, I'm tellin' ya!

Just imagine... every follower of this new faith would be an instant expert on the founding principles, (Love one another constantly) all the theological intricacies, (Love one another constantly) and, unlike followers of every other religion out there, would have all the scriptures memorized the very moment he converted! (Love one another constantly)

I think we'll get at least a few people who have been trying to memorize the Bible all their lives but keep tripping up on the Old Testament begats. Who needs the aggravation?!?! It's well known that all the fancy mnemonics out there wither after the first ten begats.

Practicing this new religion will be a snap in this instant-gratification, gotta-have-it-now society we live in.

Somebody disses your wife? No problem!

Just dig deep into your scriptures, and you'll have your answer. There it is, right on page one: "Love one another constantly".

Amazing!

You're bored? Why not spend the time, you guessed it, "Loving one another constantly"?

Hate your boss? Don't like the President? You got it, Mr./Ms. New Convert — "Love one another constantly"! Not really all that bright? Relax, dude, this is really simple! All the answers to life's tough questions, right there on the tip of your tongue!

Can you imagine memorizing an entire hymnal the moment you opened it? You'd have pretty much the shortest hymn in all of organized religion, depending on how long you wanted to stretch out the words. "Looooooooooooooovvvvvvve... ooooonnnnne... anooooooooootherrrrrr... connnnnnnstantlyyyyyyy. (with gusto!)

And, oh, the sermons — one line, short and sweet!

Bring the kids - even they won't get bored!!! A lot of people go to church for the coffee and socializing. Why not get right to the refreshments?

As a matter of fact, it could even be the first drive-through religion. You would drive through, the priest would say "Love one another constantly", hand you the collection plate, and off you would go, spiritually refreshed and ready to go. Think of how many people you could minister to, and collect from, at just one location. It boggles the mind!

But wait, there's more!

I haven't even gotten to branding, co-branding and merchandising. There are shops in major airports selling merchandise with the "Life is Good " logo. I swear, every item in the store says one thing: "Life is Good".

Can you imagine the world-wide potential of "Love One Another Constantly" on t-shirts, coffee mugs, and even cologne? I would have to check with the St. Francis Catholic Church in Santa Fe — and their lawyers — about the cologne (and other, racier items, of course) before setting up the factory.

Anyway, as time goes on, like some religions, power structures and lots of crust may build up and obscure the founding principle. (Love one another constantly)

So, I'm going to get a jump on the inevitable and propose the first ecclesiastical accoutrement: "The Book of Uncommonly Short Prayer", with favorites like "Lord, please help me love my difficult in-laws, at least somewhat constantly!" (that's going to sound great with 500 people reading it in unison)

I'm hoping power struggles will be limited to parking space allocation for staff, but even those can be easily resolved with, well, I won't be repetitious.

(OK, I'll be repetitious. "Love one another constantly"!)

I'm open to suggestions for liturgy, (keep it short!) vestments (please, no velvet!) and incense vs. aromatherapy in the sanctuary and/or drive-through chapels, etc.

Now, let's talk about a name for this new religion.

It's so easy to say "I'm a Christian", or "I'm a Jew", when asked about your faith, but what do you say if somebody asks you about your new religious affiliation?

The Mormons have that great acronym, LDS. They actually say "Are you LDS? and "She's LDS, I'm pretty sure!"

This new religion would have to sound snappy and simple, just like the single line it is based on.

What about "LO-AC", or "L-AC"? (silent "O" here, granted, but seductively similar to "LAX", the coolest airport name, ever!)

"I'm LO-AC, thanks for asking" might get you puzzled looks and weird questions about your air-conditioner, but it just might work. The hyphenated letters "AC-DC" worked pretty well for one rock band, so I'm guessing switching a few letters around might work in this case, also. (we use the very same hyphen, after all!)

"I'm L-AC" will probably entail too much explaining what happened to the "O", and thus probably too fatiguing. I know that "LO" has a lot of cachet, as evidenced by the J-LO frenzy. (Jennifer LOpez)

So, "LO-AC" it is! The baseball caps are practically manufacturing themselves, now that we've decided on that fantastic acronym!

Well, that's it for now. I'm sort of astounded that I came up with an idea for a new religion after just one afternoon in Santa Fe. Most religions take decades, even centuries to crystallize.

This one, boom! Ready to go tomorrow!!!

Steve : - )

P.S. - "Love One Another Constantly" is similar to Paul's "Pray without ceasing". Both are awesome suggestions for profitably using the present moment. Besides starting a religion, that is. We all know how Paul's attempts at starting a new religion went. (A++ with a gold star!!!)

Sweet and peaceable...

Gentle Correspondents,

Wait!!!

I forgot to include a highly relevant quote from Isaiah 26:3 last week, so here it is:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee."

This is one of the chief benefits of sitting still and gently staying your mind (focusing your attention) on the infinite Presence that pervades everything—yes, perfect peace.

Straight from Isaiah. Take that, all you minor Old Testament prophets!

Last week I talked about one way to access the Divine Presence, which is to sit perfectly still and remain silent for a period of time. I also said there are myriad ways to access this Presence.

I can't pronounce one method as being the best, (I'm not the Pope, after all!) but I can share what has worked very well for me. With that understanding, (that if you don't do what I say you will grow warts) I'll delve a little further into the practice of meditation, or as it is known in Catholicism, contemplative prayer.

I'm going to purposefully skip the basics—finding a place to meditate, posture, using a centering phrase and following the breath, etc.—until next week. A 'prequel', if I may indulge in a little Hollywood "ism". (even though, technically, 'prequel' it is not an "ism". 'Prequelism' would be an "ism"!)

Silent prayer is the "sweet and peaceable attention to God's presence", as St. Francis de Sales (1567-1622) said in his "Treatise on the Love of God", (Chapter X, p.259) He further describes it as "sacred repose". We'll talk about how to establish this "sweet and peaceable attention" and "sacred repose" in the upcoming 'prequel'. (Can you even wait?)

For now, let's discuss what's going to happen about ten seconds after you've carefully established that "sweet and peaceable attention to God's presence". This is important, because what happens next is what occupies almost all of a meditation session until the mind finally settles down a little. This "settling down" can take years—just givin' it to you straight.

Your mind is going to say:

"BOOOORING!!! Gimme something more exciting, and pronto! What, more sitting, and no iPod?!?! Fuggedaboutit, I'm outta here!!!"

And it's off to the races!

For the next however long you sit, your mind is going to be inundated with a constant stream of random thoughts, about one every five to ten seconds. That's right—see for yourself!

Here's a fairly straightforward method for gently dealing with thoughts as they arise. Take very careful mental notes about each thought, release it, and gently return to observing your breath or your silent centering phrase. More on the breath in the 'prequel' next week.

How to take careful mental notes? Try assuming the role of the scientist in a white lab coat, clipboard in hand, carefully observing an experiment in progress.

Ok, so here it is—your first thought! It'll probably be as random and mundane as "Has it REALLY been 32 years since Ron Wood joined the Rolling Stones???"

Whatever the thought, become aware of what it is, and note if there are any emotions associated with it. If there are, try to pinpoint—precisely—what that emotion feels like.

For instance, an angry thought might be accompanied by a pounding heart, tightness in the throat, face flushing, etc. Once you have noted everything about the thought, gently release it (think clouds passing by in the sky) and return to the silence. The sacred repose.

Some common thoughts that arise are boredom, (yes, boredom is just another thought!!!) anxiety, regret, worry, future planning, self-deprecation, revenge, etc. Many wonderful thoughts will also arise like that recent ski vacation, a loved one, among others.

You name it, thoughts of every stripe will arise. From your calm third-party perspective, (remember the scientist?) accurately note them on your mental clipboard, which is filling up fast!

After noting the thoughts as they arise, it is crucial to release them, returning gently and with great love to the silence. This is where the Presence abides; it does not abide in the cacophony of your thoughts.

Sorry.

Here's another awesome quote by St. Francis de Sales. He describes, breathtakingly, the process of returning to the silence once the mind has wandered off, chasing down all manner of thoughts. I would substitute "mind" for "heart", but then again I wasn't around in the Middle Ages to redact his writing.

The "point" he is talking about is the breath, or just pure mental silence.

"If the heart wanders or is distracted, bring it back to the point quite gently and replace it tenderly in its Master’s presence. And even if you did nothing during the whole of your hour but bring your heart back and place it again in Our Lord’s presence, though it went away every time you brought it back, your hour would be very well employed."

Very well employed, indeed. Mr. de Sales, you rock!

Notice how he says "though it went away every time you brought it back". He figured out way back then that his mind "went away" quite often during his periods of silent prayer. What is his solution? To bring the mind gently and tenderly back into the Divine Presence.

Gently and tenderly... This is key!!! If you find yourself yanking your mind (or heart) back to the silence, with a hint of (or lots of!) irritation, notice that, also. This process is about being gentle and loving with yourself, not perpetuating useless mental habits, like getting irritated at the drop of a coconut.

God speaks with a "still, small voice" according to Elijah, in 1 Kings 19:12. Any mental irritation or harshness (I'll tame these damn thoughts if it's the last thing I do!) as you bring yourself back "into the Master's presence" is akin to screaming "blah blah blah" the moment oh, let's say, Warren Buffett is about to, one-on-one, share his all-time favorite investing strategy with you.

You want to be so quiet you could hear a butterfly flapping its wings in the Amazon, as this advice could change everything! Actually, every thought you have during meditation is a little like saying "blah blah blah" while God is quietly, gently, trying to get a word in edgewise. Thus, the gentle practice of returning to a place of total inner silence.

That's it for now; Matlock just started on Channel 3!

I'll close with this exquisite quote from the novelist Robert Louis Stevenson:

"Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened, but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm."

Just one more benefit to sitting down and shutting up.

Love,

Steve : - )

P.S. — Since I lifted the delightful turn of phrase "at the drop of a coconut" from another writer, I must pay my Karmic debt and give credit to Gary Gach, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Buddhism". Thanks, Gary! Keep the lawyers at a distance!

P.P.S. - I once again thank Zen Master and author Brad Warner (and former punk-rocker!) for the equally delicious aphorism "Sit down and shut up". Pretty much sums up the process!

Sitting and waiting...

Gentle Correspondents,

For the past three years or so I have embarked on the most remarkable journey of my 50 years on earth. This journey has revealed (to me, at least) the incredible power of sitting still in total silence for thirty minutes to an hour every day.

I may devote the next few weeks to fleshing out the details of this practice with step-by-step how-to stuff, quotes by people far more articulate on this subject than I, and examples (tiny and not-so-tiny) of how this practice has revolutionized my life.

For the better, bien-sur.

Let me start by quoting one of those aforementioned way-too-articulate people, the prophet Isaiah. He had a pretty good idea of how things worked, even in pre-iPod times. From Isaiah 40:31, King James Version:

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Fortunately, I don't faint while walking. If I did, I probably wouldn't be taking the helm of a jetliner today bound for St. Louis today at 6:14 PM . Might I also add that after six miles of running, (Isaiah 40:31 or not) I feel quite weary. All due respect to the prophet.

What I do want to point out is that this concept of "waiting upon the Lord" changes everything.

And I do mean everything.

Everybody has their own way of receiving God's guidance, and I would like to share one particular method of "waiting upon the Lord".

Just like there are a million ways to stay physically fit and keep your body healthy, (marathons vs. thigh-master, for instance) there are also a zillion modalities (reading scripture vs. chanting, or even gardening) in the quest to access the Divine, or whatever name you have for the ineffable Presence that fuels every atom out there. Yes, every atom!

My favorite method is to sit down and shut up long enough so that God can get a word in edgewise. This is how I "wait upon the Lord".

I do this by sitting down every day for an hour or so (sometimes broken up into two thirty minute sessions) and becoming perfectly still and outwardly silent. (in other words, I stop shouting at politicians on TV)

The real meat of this practice is how to deal with the non-stop parade of thoughts that arise as you sit there trying to shut up mentally and "wait upon the Lord". More on that, and some of the industrial-strength benefits that can inure as a result of this practice next time.

Until then, cling to Isaiah 40:31, and try not to faint while walking. Your body, the people who love you and the local paramedics will thank you.

Steve : - )

P.S. - Many thanks to Brad Warner, author of "Sit Down and Shut Up" for that wonderful turn of phrase.

Auditioning for the part...

Gentle Correspondents,

One of the more salutary acronyms floating around today is WWJD? It stands for what would Jesus do in this gnarly situation I am facing right now?

You know, like maybe wanting to strangle this politician's neck for a few satisfying seconds?

"WWJD" is designed as a mental trigger to activate in us the loving attributes taught by the big guy himself. You know, things like compassion, patience, endless forgiveness, (well, at least seven times seventy times, before landing that delicious right hook!) loving your enemies, helping the poor—alas, all the good stuff.

I have found a way to put this into practice and have fun doing it at the same time. (I know, forgiving a politician you don't like is practically a superhuman undertaking, but let's leave the leviathan tasks aside until we've mastered the small ones, shall we?)

Let's look at the stuff that irritates us or otherwise "gets our goat", to use a little farm slang. When a situation arises that irritates or otherwise challenges me, I treat it like I am being called in for an audition.

And not just any audition!

This audition has more than a few industry heavyweights sitting in the mostly dark Broadway theatre, clipboards and pens in hand, very alert (like you wouldn't believe) and relaxed. I can hardly believe it, but seated loosely around the middle of row 12 are the superstars: Jesus, the Buddha, Pope John Paul II, the Dalai Lama, St. Francis of Assisi, Mother Theresa, Rumi, and for good measure Father Guido Sarducci to keep the proceedings on a light-hearted note.

Today, I have been called in to audition for the part of the person who is patient, kind and loving when dealing with customer service reps on the phone. Especially when I have a complaint.

Jesus calls my name and I walk out on stage.

Jesus says, "Steve, we're looking for somebody to play the role of a person who shows a tremendous amount of love, patience and compassion when on the phone trying to resolve a problem, and the customer service rep is not being particularly helpful. We'll provide you with a scenario and an actor to play the part of the phone rep. That would be Jason over there. He motions Jason to come on stage. Allright, let's get started. Remember - I want to feel the love!

And Father Guido, enough with the heckling already!"

I initially read from the quite predictable script, but Jason turns out to be the most surly, truculent customer service rep I have ever encountered. He even hangs up on me twice!!! Well, true to form, I blow up and start screaming uncontrollably into the phone, (yes, veins popping!) even though Jason is only a few feet away from me.

I lose it.

Will I get a call-back? Will I get the part??? Or, will I have to take this experience, learn from it, and audition again at a later date? I think you know how this audition went. It was a great learning experience, and no, I don't need to call them. They will call me.

You know where I'm going with this...

Every time a situation "shows up" in my life that I label "challenging", "unpleasant", "maddening" or "irritating", my take is that it is definitely not by accident.

I am being auditioned for the part of spiritual master by the very presence and power that undergirds the universe, and it is a priceless opportunity to finally apply all the knowledge I've gained reading (countless) spiritual books, reams of scripture, going to church all these years, watching children laugh and play, etc.

However, at some point beautiful ideas like "love thine enemy" have to come face-to-face with, well, the enemy. ("W" or Hillary, take your pick!)

And love him/her I must. Ouch - that smarts!

In other words, the spiritual rubber has to meet the road at some point, or all these cherished teachings are moonshine.

More and more, I view these "auditions" (difficult people, personal setbacks, etc.) with the same joy and alacrity as an actor who has been called in for a personal audition with, oh, let's say, Steven Spielberg. This lucky actor is finally getting the chance to "show his stuff" to—in the world of Hollywood—the big guy himself. Do you think for one moment the actor feels anger at being called in for this audition before Spielberg himself? Resentment? Not in a million years!!! The actor is standing beside himself with excitement!

No matter how difficult the audition, the rewards of a good performance before Spielberg are beyond imagining.

So, the next time you are confronted with, for instance, a real jerk, how about viewing it as an audition generously provided by the very force that animates every atom? How about jumping for joy, rather than the other, hackneyed reaction? Your eyes should light up because finally—here it is!!! This is the audition where you can really "strut your spiritual stuff" and respond with infinite love, patience, or whatever positive attribute is called for at that moment!

If you "get the part" the rewards, like a leading role in a Spielberg flick, will be beyond your wildest imaginings. If you don't get the part, well, you will soon be called in for another audition, (and another, and another, echo, echo) until you finally do get the part.

God is very generous in this respect...

Be on the lookout for your next audition. Mine often appear instantly out of nowhere, and at the most unexpected times.

Vigilare. (every second!)

Steve : - )

vig·i·lant: Pronunciation: 'vi-j&-l&ntFunction: adjectiveEtymology: Middle English (Scots), from Latin vigilant-, vigilans, from present participle of vigilare to keep watch, stay awake, from vigil awake: alertly watchful especially to avoid dangersynonym see WATCHFUL